Updated: Apr 15
The crisp cold wind of change on that early October morning gave her shortness of breath, reminding her of those moments when she lay on the pavement, grasping for air.She had danced with death and got away with it. How she managed to do that, she still did not know. As she took a few steps after getting of the bus, on the way to work, delicate rays of sunlight, gently caressed the scars on her right cheek taking her back to those golden afternoons, when she could tell what time it was, judging by the way in which light fell on the windows of the ICU. She could not believe how quickly time had passed since November. Days went by too quick to count and too difficult to forget.
After the accident, she first saw the sea again in winter. Such a long time had passed since she went to the seaside during the cold season. It was way back in her childhood days, when her parents took her there. Much she did not remember, for it was a memory which had faded away too quickly. People say that the sea is not a place to visit during the cold season, for there isn't much to see.
For her, it was different. She found the sea outstandingly beautiful when she first visited it during February. It was almost as if the sea told her a different story. Or maybe it was the same old tale, seen from a different perspective. She liked the sea from the very beginning, for she was a child of the water and a sailor's only daughter. However, fire had changed her life irremediably. Both elements became part of her life, completing each other and thus, creating a symbiosis of power. She was bound for glory and her journey had just began, right from the very start. She was born again and the feather was at her disposal. It was her time to write her story as her heart desired, in blood red ink.
When she went to the seaside in February, she was not alone, for she could not take care of herself on her own. Then, she promised the sea that she would go back at some point, alone. And so, she did. Seven months later, she returned, in order to clear her mind, her spirit and arrange her thoughts. When she got there, it felt unreal. It was a beautiful late September afternoon, with mild rays of sun. She stood on the shore, gazing into the great wide open, with her head in the clouds and her pockets filled with dreams. She even climbed on the rocks on the pier, in order to be closer to the sea. As she looked at the line of the horizon, her attention drifted towards the waves, as the wind played with the water, changing its shape. She realised that her life was exactly the same as those waves: constantly changing and opening up into an ocean. Life is like the ocean, always deeper than it seems at first sight. Wouldn't be easy if we could find out everything about our life or about another person's life, just by looking in their eyes? Unfortunately for us, this subject matter is far from being simple. In order to know others, we must first learn to comprehend ourselves. This entire process takes time and most importantly, patience.
The wind was with her, as her mind drifted away on the afternoon tide, in search of that island in the sun, where time stands still and the present has no ending. What would it be like to freeze certain moments in time, with certain people, in order to keep them forever? Wouldn't that be amazing? Sadly, the sun doesn't always shine and sooner or later, dark clouds appear upon the horizon. If one wishes to stand in the sun, one must also learn how to face the storm which comes along with the sunshine. In her story, the storms had just began and she was ready to dance in the rain as well as face the sun, regardless of how bright the light would be or how cold the rain.
In the sunlight, her short hair reflected brilliant shades of cinnamon colour, reminiscent of the red haired child who had risen like a phoenix. Take me far away, lead me to the distant shore, she told her inner self. "Let me discover the world, let me travel to my heart's content. This world is such a wonderful place to see and discover. Give me wings and I promise to never forget & always come back to you." No matter how far away she'd go, her mind would always think of them and her spirit shall undoubtedly find its way back to be with with her loved ones.
She wished to travel, to sail across the water and spread her wings across the sky. She felt like she had seen so little of this world and that she had so much to learn, about herself and about the people who were close to her heart. There was a key to the future, that much she knew. Realising the fact that there is a key and that each and every one of us owns one is the first step towards finding it and unlocking our destiny.
There, right there on the pier, as she watched the waves shatter when they hit the rocks, she realised that she had drifted alone, with not even the tiniest speckle of hope. She had lost her centre, her equilibrium at some point. She was weak and heart-broken. She had lost her way and her soul cried for mercy but she was too stubborn to hear it. She did not want to depend on others, so that she wouldn't burden them with her sufferance. She was afraid they would misinterpret her feelings and she would lose them as well. Her mother told her that the sea had many stories to tell, to the ones who know how to listen. That day, she listened to the sea for hours, until the sun set and created the amber light she was so fond of. At some point, she even told her story to the sapphire coloured water and her soul felt at ease. The sea understood her. She would go back, again and again.
As she gazed into the water, she saw a reflection of her old self. "Take me with you, take me far away!" She told the red haired child. "I'm ready, my phoenix! Wherever you wish to go, I'll follow. Let us sail our ship across the water and find the key to our destiny. I no longer want to see sailing ships passing me by without doing anything to intersect with their journey. I wish to sail along with them and hopefully, create mutual itineraries. If not identical ones, perhaps similar ones with intertwining parts."
The phoenix took her away from the Black Sea, all the way to the Pacific Ocean, so that she could see a totally different part of the world she lived in by then. She saw astonishing things, outstanding landscapes and constructions worthy of being called wonders of the world. She was entirely blown away by the beauty and the diversity. That's when she realised that her heart was meant to travel and explore. She found her key and now, she was beginning to understand its meaning. After seeing the ocean and exploring the peaks which unveiled precious chapters of ancient culture, it was time to return home, to the place where she had lived the first 19 years of her life.
Almost a year ago, she was home, with the keeper of her soul and her soul mate. They were together so that they could enjoy the beauty of music, the music which had brought them together. 22nd October 2015 was a day well worth remembering. Leprous was triumphant and she was forever enchanted with their songs. If only she could rewind the clock and relive those moments.
On 22nd October 2016, there she was, in the same place, with her soul keeper by her side. He was no longer with her, in person. However, that did not stop her from thinking about him. She made a promise to smile whenever she thought about her black haired angel and she kept it. In the morning, she left 8 red roses on his grave, as usual. She smiled and not a tear was shed. Later on that evening, she was going to see Ne Obliviscaris again. He would have liked to see and hear them once more.
She also longed to be with other souls who had gained an irreplaceable piece of her heart but it is very well known that we don't always get what we want. Whether or not she would manage to make her wish come true, she still had a long way to go before she might or might not receive an answer. Nothing is certain and the best thing she could do was try.
Let us not forget that in the end, we are responsible of our own fate and it is up to each and every one of us to save our souls. Other people can only help us and be by our side along the way. They cannot fight our battles for they have their own struggles to defeat and their own goals to conquer. Let us fight for our dreams and keep dreaming 24/7, with no exception. After all is said and done, we'll find the strength and we shall realise that we control our destiny. We'll kill the flame so that it rises again, even stronger than before. If only we would be brave enough to accept this reality, everything would be simpler.
Let us not forget that we are the only captains who can sail our own ships across the sky, without needing a compass, for we only need to follow our hearts in order to reach the destinations. Forget not... *Ne.Obliviscaris.*
*The featured image is a painting which belongs to David Reeves-Payne : link here. The song which inspired me to write this blog post is: Sailing Ships by Whitesnake. Ne.Obliviscaris (meaning Forget Not in Latin) is about learning to follow our hearts and finding our way in life.*